Now the thing is mattress toppers, not to be confused with mattress covers or pads. Been fricking researching them to death, on and off for two straight days and most of the afternoon and evening.
Mattress toppers.
It would be easier if there wasn’t a big scare about everything being made of crude oil products: polyurethane—plastics. Goddamn plastics. They’re everywhere and in everything: placentas, water, air, roads, houses, you name it. Can’t get away from them. Food. Floors. TikTok. And fricking mattress toppers.
You probably didn’t even realize it till recently, but there are whole mattresses, not just toppers, made from 100% polyurethane. But, hey, whoa…I got a cover that goes beneath the fitted sheet, all right. Well, man, what’s that cover made of? Some kind of fricking plastic, no doubt. The same with the sheets themselves—polyester.
Non-organic mattress toppers, contain toxic shit—plastics—VOCs (Volatile Organic Compounds) that can leak their stink and cause immune or endocrine issues, “if exposed in the long term.” This is especially true for children, more so when they first gas off and make your room smell like paint.
But when the room stinks, you might only get a headache or sneeze for a day or two, right? Then what? Isn’t that the end of it? Or does sleeping on that shit slowly kill you while…you sleep? Does that alone kill you, and nothing else? Is it just the flame-resistant bed that will do you in because you spend a third of your life on it, maybe while sweating or relaxing your anal sphincter when you fart into the crevice between your body pillow (also toxic) and the murderous mattress? Does that crack sweat I sleep in after sex do some kind of dual-action skin penetration by sucking up the toxins through my bamboo sheets and blasting its chemicals into my bloodstream through my boxer shorts? What the fuck! Somebody explain.
Please!
But organic mattress toppers, those damn things made from the jizz of the rubber tree—if we can trust their labels and certifications, or take their word for it (like everything else the consumer must believe)—are so expensive. $300-$400 a pop, before taxes and shipping. Then we don’t know for sure how firm or soft it’ll be, which is why we need one in the first place. Granted, like with almost everything these days, there is a standardized rating, to measure firmness in this case: ILD (Indentation Load Deflection). But how can we really know how firm they are, huh? Or if that the sap of the rubber trees from which they were made was non-GMO? I mean, I wasn’t there. Whose word do I take? I just want to get some sleep.
Then you got fricking Dunlop and Taladay latex. Everybody’s got the Dunlop, and it’s organic most of the time, but the Taladay is $100 more because it’s softer. The kicker is that only two places in the whole wide world make “natural” Taladay latex, and they don’t do organic because it’d be too difficult for them. So that shit can’t be certified. So, do you get a non-certified “natural” mattress topper that’s supposed to be softer, or risk the ILD listed on the website for a “soft” Dunlop that is certified organic? And is all this research and stress just so your room doesn’t smell like paint for a couple days if you forget to open the window?
Who the eff knows!
Who do we trust?
And how the hell can you link a non-organic mattress or mattress topper to internal organ damage, as a direct link, as if it’s the one and only sure-fire way to end your life prematurely, and not any of the other shit you’ve been doing for decades? How do they prove beyond a reasonable doubt that a mattress causes endocrine abnormalities in an average human being?
Did they find proof by having lab rats sleep on a non-organic Sleepy’s from Mattress Firm their entire lives and compare the results to some Dunlop-sleeping bitches with twelve nipples each who only slept on a fancy mattress (God knows how they’d get them to only sleep on a mattress in the first place) as the sole difference in their entire lives? Were the rats twins who ate the same amount of food and got the same gym time and sleep patterns? Are any of the rats that scientists torture all the time twins? Are all their genes identical? Do genes even matter when it comes to measuring the dangers of mattress toppers?
Maybe I don’t understand the studies or how they prove their theories using the scientific method. I just can’t comprehend how you go from sleeping on a foam pad to hormonal mutations, with nothing else being the cause? It’s like something I saw on Facebook recently: how the more extraordinary the claim, the more elaborate and convincing your proof must be to make it believable. The dude’s example was if you told your buddy you saw a rabbit in your yard, your buddy probably wouldn’t need a super-clear shot of the rabbit in 4K projected on an IMAX screen. He’d probably take your word for it. But if you say there was a Crichtonsaurus dry heaving on your rhododendrons, I’ll want more proof than your word.
Look, I know plastics are fucking up the Earth. But I also believe there’s a line. Force a rat to guzzle water from a plastic bottle that’s been sitting in the sun and I’ll believe the microplastic findings in its bloodstream. But force a rat to sleep on memory foam till it develops an endocrine disorder? I got some questions, bub, and I don’t want to read somebody’s blog or a post about it.
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